Thursday, August 1, 2019

my mother...


post script
I thank each of you for your kind comments, thoughts and prayers for the loss of my mother.  Your love and support was very comforting to me, thank you.  
We live in the Monadnock area of New Hampshire, i.e. mountains, as opposed to the seacoast. The other day while raking the grass area in front of the stone wall at the road I found behind one of our huge antique maples a seashell.  A seashell... just sitting there.  This is an area that Dan mows regularly and we tend to, but there it was, out of the blue, and definitely out of its natural environment... a seashell.  A sign from my mother, born and raised in Hawaii, who loved the ocean and the beach??  I brought it to Dan and showed him and said "Mama,"  and he said "oh, I've found two in the last couple of weeks."  He hadn't mentioned it to me as it didn't resonate with him, but he had saved them and went to retrieve them for me.  They too, were in bizarre places on our property just sitting there like they had been gently placed.  A sign from my mother?  Of course they are.  In ten years of tending to the farmhouse I (we) have never found a seashell - ever.  I think my mother knew that I would try to write it off, so she placed two in Dan's path, so that I would know without a shadow of a doubt that she was here visiting.  She never made to New Hampshire, never saw our farmhouse, but now she has and that makes my heart happy. 
Much love,
xxojoan


My mother died last Friday.  
She was 91 years old,  three months shy of 92.  This is one of my favorite recent photos of her taken last Christmas at my cousin Kim's house.  My sister and nephew had planned a trip to visit her last week.  My mother was excited to have them take her shopping and take her to Ulta so she could buy some makeup and nail polish!  Instead they arrived for her final hours. She was sharp as a tack and lucid until the last week when her health failed her.  She died peacefully listening to a tape of her late second husband, Tim (her high school sweetheart whom she reconnected with at a reunion after my father's death twenty four years ago), singing songs and playing the ukulele expressly to her. My mother was born and raised in Hawaii, and Tim grew up there.  You might remember a blog post I did on my mother being a child in Honolulu when Pearl Harbor happened (here)  Per her request, her ashes and Tim's ashes will be spread together in their beloved Hawaii.
I attribute, as I told my mother many times, my design aesthetic to her.  My childhood home, albeit modest, didn't look like my friend's homes.  I didn't know, nor think much about the "why" until I was in my twenties, but it was different because it was decorated with antiques (she had many antique Chinese porcelain pieces which she learned to love and value from her own mother) and collections and things that meant something special to her.  It just had a certain je ne sais quoi that my friend's homes didn't have with everything being brand-new inside of them.                                                                                                                                                                    
I learned about the love of houses from my mother, because she loved hers.
My mother taught me that you didn't have to have money to have a pretty house.  Since my sisters are eleven and twelve years older than me I basically had my mother to myself growing up in the 60's.  Several times a week we would walk to a decorative shop called Gizmo's in San Antonio.  At 5 and 6 years old I learned the power of interiors and have magical memories of the big spiral staircase and indoor fountain at Gizmo's and all the beautiful "do-dads" (as I grew up calling decorative items) and how happy my mother was shopping for her home.  She taught me how to collect.  She collected Blue Danube, which was a gift to her children and my father as we always knew what to get her for birthdays and Christmas.   She taught me patience in design, that a home is an ongoing project.  I remember as a child her putting two porcelain ducks on layaway at Ethan Allen, and how it felt every month when we went to make a payment.  I always felt very fancy walking through the store and imagining living there  I realized at an early age how I felt different just being in a beautifully designed space.  One weekend in college I came home to find that she had had a contractor take part of the living room to create a huge walk-in pantry off of the kitchen. If you ask any of her grandchildren what their favorite place in their grandparent's house was- they would all state the Pantry!  I learned from her example that you kept your home pretty, neat and clean.  She loved vacuums.  I love vacuums!  One Christmas when I was in college she gave me my first vacuum- I was over the moon!  I came back to school to all my sorority sisters talking about the clothes and purses and jewelry they got for Christmas and I was going on and on about my vacuum!!  They thought I was nuts-  ha!  My mother taught me by example early on that you kept kleenexes  and other utilitarian things in drawers not out on the counter.  That you fold the towel after you use it in the bathroom.  That you set the table for every meal and you use cloth napkins.  That you use her bamboo flatware that she had brought with her from Hawaii every summer.   That you ALWAYS light the wick of a new candle even just for a second to give it a used look.  An unlit wick on a candle is a huge pet peeve of mine to this day:)  She gave me my love of fishing floats!  She had found several at the beach in Hawaii growing up.  She loved to paint and my love of landscape oil paintings comes from her no doubt.  She taught me how to garden and my love of being outside and tending to the yard and garden. She always had a beautiful yard.  She taught me to always.... always write thank you notes.  
So, I write this post as a thank you note to my mother.  Thank you Mama for teaching me the importance and love of home.
Miss you Mama...
                                                                                                                                                                                                        

174 comments:

  1. A beautiful testament to a clearly amazing woman. I agree with her (and you!) on the candle wick! I am so sorry for your loss. May she live on in the hearts of those that know and love her best! ❤️

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  2. What a lovely tribute Joan. She sounds like a wonderful woman. So sorry for your loss.

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  3. This is beautiful. Such an honor to your Mama.
    Betsy

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  4. Tears! What a beautiful tribute to your lovely mother! She sounds so much like my own, who taught me many of the same things! My mother is 84 and sadly in the throes of dementia, but I treasure our memories and all I learned from her, as I know you treasure your own memories with your mother. My deepest condolences to you.

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    1. I can not begin to imagine how hard it is to have a loved one have dementia. Sending you love and light Rhonda. xxo

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  5. What a lovely tribute! Your mother sounds a lot like mine! A true lady. I'm thankful you got to enjoy her for so many wonderful years!

    Lauralee

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  6. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  7. What a beautiful tribute. Thank you for sharing about your lovely Mama. May she rest in peace.

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  8. Lynnkinkel@yahoo.comAugust 1, 2019 at 10:08 PM

    So very sad. So sorry. Losing my mother was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. Love to you during this devastating chapter.

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  9. I am so sorry to hear of your mother's passing. I lost my mom last year, I miss her every day. May you hold your mom dear in your heart everyday and remember all the love you shared.

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  10. I'm so sorry, Joan. Losing a parent, no matter what the age is one of life's hardest experiences. I lost my sweet momma on Thursday. She would've been 84 this past Tuesday. I have a million great memories, like you. I sure could use one of her hugs right now. Prayers, and peace

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    1. I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending you love and light during this difficult time. xxo

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  11. What a lady! You are a tribute to her and to think about how much she loved you and your family ��

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  12. Joan, so sorry to read of the loss of your mother and her life well lived. Ironically yesterday was the second anniversary of the death of my mother at 101, 2 months shy of 102! Your thank you was beautifully written and may only happy memories fill you.

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    1. thank you Denise. Your mother lives quite the long life. xxo

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  13. This is a beautifully written piece for a beloved mother. She, herself was very beautiful-- she does not look her age in that Christmas photo! I see the resemblance between you two ladies and I'm glad you were able to share your love of house design with her. My mom's love for order has rubbed off on me and I'm grateful for it: a neat, clean house is usually all it takes for it to feel lovely. My condolences to you and your family, Joan.

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    1. thank you. Yes, I too,have a great sense of peace when my house is clean! xxo

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  14. That is so beautiful. I completely relate to your experiences with your mother. She was a beautiful lady and so beautiful until her death. You’re lucky to have had such a great upbringing and to a learned so much from such a wise lady. Prayers to you as you Move forward with life without her and your physical presence.

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  15. Sorry for your loss..God bless you with a Mother like her

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  16. Hello Joan and Dan, I am so sorry for your loss. Joan's mother sounds like a wonderful and fun person--just the kind of person I would like to know. Throughout the many posts on your blog, I have gotten to know some of your principles for living, welcoming people, and aesthetics, and thus I am not surprised that you had such high standards growing up. I am sure that your mother whole-heartedly approved of your renovation--not only how it came out, but mainly how you went about each step.

    You can feel happy that your mother's personality is reflected in your house and in your writings, and that her spirit of hospitality lives on in you and in all your readers who have been inspired by this blog.

    Sincerely, Jim

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    1. thank you Jim. As always your comments make me feel so happy and grateful when reading them. It is always a joy to have you visit. xxo

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  17. What a lovely tribute to your mom. She sounds like she was quite a lady. I’m sorry for your loss and pray for your comfort with the good memories.

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  18. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My mom will turn 90 next month. So much of who I am is because of her, and I really related to your beautiful blog post. Prayers for comfort!

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    1. thank you Brenda. Happy Birthday to your mom next month. xxo

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  19. I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. Mine is 96 now and I know that I’ll have to face this too. May all of your beautiful memories sustain you.

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    1. thank you Jane. Love and light to you and your mother. xxo

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  20. Oh, my sincere condolences Joan. What an utterly lovely woman your mother was and how special it is that her spirit lives on in you and your home xx

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  21. My deepest condolences to you and your family.
    I have never thought about unlit candle wicks, but as soon as I read it, it made perfect sense. There is something a little sad about an unlit candle. I will light every wick in my house tonight in honor of your beloved mother.

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    1. That is the sweetest thing Mary that you would light all your wicks in honor of my mother! Made me cry. Thank you. xxo

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  22. What a wonderful loving tribute. My mom is 85, I am thankful for every day.

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  23. So sorry for your loss. She sounds lovely.

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  24. So sorry for your loss. She sounded like an amazing mother and such an inspiration.
    -Sasha

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  25. What a lovely tribute to your mom. I know how hard it is to lose your mom, no matter her age. I still think of things I learned from my mom and miss her, even though it's been 9 years since she passed.
    xo,
    Karen

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  26. Lovely tribute to your precious mother..so sorry for your loss.
    Sharon
    From Dallas

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  27. Jackie from Caldwell, IdahoAugust 2, 2019 at 12:25 AM

    What a lovely post/tribute about most certainly a very special person and mother. It makes me want to hold my own a little tighter. Take care.

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  28. What a truly lovely tribute to your mother. How lucky you were to have such a special woman in your life. Such a loss to your family now that she is gone, but I hope you will all honor her memory by continuing her traditions. Aloha.

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  29. I'm so sorry for your loss. Your mother was a lovely woman.

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  30. What a joyous tribute to your beautiful Mother. And what a legacy she left! Sending warm thoughts to you and your family. I have such sweet memories of my Mom and I know you will too, of yours.

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  31. I am so sorry to hear of your mother’s passing. She sounded wonderful! It is so hard to lose a parent. You were lucky to have her for the time you did. She gave you so many wonderful things! A love for home and hearth. I loved your story about the vacuum cleaner! Ha!

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  32. My mother in law was also born and raised in Hawaii. She and her sister were walking to Sunday school on December 7, when 2 soldiers drove up on a jeep and told them to hurry and run home, because Pearl Harbor had been bombed. Her father died one week later, trying to build a bomb shelter for her, her mother and her 2 brothers and sister. She LOVED Hawaii. her and her sister loved to hula dance and had the most beautiful grass skirts and Hawaiian fabric tops from the 30's. She could sing beautifully in Hawaiian, and often sang at peoples weddings in San Francisco. My husbands whole family have lots of Hawaiian words they use in daily conversation. She had to leave her high school a year early as they entire family sailed for California to escape the war. She always thought she would go back to live, but married her husband who was from Burlingame, then they made their home there. She would have been 96 this year. A lot of memories and traditions are coming to an end with the deaths of this generation. My heart goes out to you. your mom sounded wonderful. I will hug mine little tighter, she is 106 and still going strong.

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    1. Loved reading your comment Martha! Yes, my mother loved to hula and sing in Hawaiian. I, too, still use Hawaiian words taught to me by her- like we call the girlies food "kau kau!" My grandmother, mother and her sister also sailed to the states to escape the war. They were allowed to go back because my grandmother was a teacher and they needed teachers. Sending you love and light to you and your 106 year old mother- that is amazing! xxo

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  33. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, please accept my sincerest condolences. I know it's comforting to have such warm wonderful memories of your mother. I loss my mother 18 years ago and I think of her daily. She was much like your mother although she was born and raised in Florida as I was. We have lots of Cardinal visit our garden, I was told when they visit it means a loved one who has passed is visiting. I like to think my mother, father and grandparents are visiting. Blessings to you and your family for your loss. Wishing that you have Cardinals visiting your garden often.
    God bless

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    1. thank you Linda, that is very touching about the cardinals. xxo

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  34. I am so sorry for the love of your fantastic MOm.....take care !!!
    Big hugs, for both of you.
    XXStella

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  35. What a beautiful tribute. She would love that.

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  36. This is a beautiful tribute to your mother. Your mother sounds like she lived a good life--full of love and beauty, plus it was long and happily free of suffering at the end. It is very hard to lose one's parents, and as they reach great age they start to seem immortal. You have my condolences.

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  37. Joan, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. She was obviously an amazing woman who had such an impact on you. Your many readers from all over the world have her to thank for instilling in you the value of home. I often come to your blog just to look again at the beautiful rooms that i have been inspired by so many times in the past. God bless. Julie

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  38. My mother died suddenly 8 years ago and I still think of her every day. You will find, after the shock is gone, that you will think of her in the most unexpected ways. There are other things you do, cherish or despise because of her. The first time I bought angel hair pasta, after her death, I broke down crying in the grocery store. Mom always said to buy angel hair pasta because it was just prettier than the others. Bless your mother and you.

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    1. "It was prettier than the others"... I love that so much!!! thank you Gwennie. xxo

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  39. Hi Joan,
    I am so very sorry about your mother. You have painted a wonderful portrait of her. How proud she must have been to see her influence on you. When your last parent dies, the transition to adulthood is complete and daunting. Go to Ulta and buy out the joint, have lunch at Picketty Place in her memory, and cherish her life of substance. Prayers for you and your family. Holly Rigby, Pinehurst., TX and, Washington, NH

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    1. She would have loved Picketty Place. Sadly she never saw our house here. Need a good country drive-maybe should drive to Washington?! Hope you are having a wonderful summer. xxo

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  40. I'm so sorry. That photo of your mother shows a woman who enjoyed life to the fullest. She was beautiful. As I read your remembrances of your mother it occurred to me, she wasn't just your mom, she was your best friend..
    My deepest condolences.

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  41. ...what a beautiful tribute to your beautiful mother...her legacy of the graciousness of home certainly lives within you...there is a distinct difference between a house and a home...and she gave that knowledge to you...every act of grace you extend to others within the walls of your home will always honor her...prayers sweet lady...and blessings...laney

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  42. So sorry to great of the loss of your mother. I also learned home style from my mother. That is where my love of home decor came from. It is definitely in the genes. Your mother will always be with you through the love of your home. Xxx

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    1. thank you Gabrielle. Definitely in the genes as all my sisters love their homes too! xxo

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  43. That’s a beautiful tribute. As you sit in your beautiful home and just look around you!ll always have her presence close by.

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  44. What a lovely tribute.. I'm sorry for your loss..

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  45. Dear Joan, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. Your tribute to her was heart warming, and it's obvious she was a tremendous influence in your life. That's as it should be. I know your loving memories of her will help you through the grieving process. My condolences to your entire family.

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  46. Oh Dear Joan, I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that your mother will be near you always in spirit. I am thinking of you. Kindest regards from Laura (a blogger who has followed you for years)

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    1. thank you Laura, and thank you for having been here for years. xxo

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  47. Your mother sounds like such a wonderful woman. I lost my mother last year, and I miss her every day. I laughed out loud about the candle wick - Mother taught me the same thing and I always burn a new wick!
    Xo, Beth from Houston

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    1. Love that you learned that from your mother too Beth! I always cringe when I see unlit wicks- especially in magazines:) xxo

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  48. So sorry for your loss. Nothing can fill the void left by a mom or dad's passing. You are blessed with great memories.

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  49. Your mother was a lovely lady who taught her daughter the love of beauty.Such a gift.
    Thank you Joan for sharing a part of her with us.
    Love and Blessings
    Susan in MT

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  50. What a lovely tribute to your mother. Deepest sympathy.

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  51. I am so sorry to hear that your Mother has passed, but so enjoyed reading about your special memories. What better way to leave this earth than to listen to music that had such special significance in her life. Last night I was listening to the late Hawaiian singer Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwoʻole sing Somewhere over the Rainbow, a song I was not very fond of until I heard him sing it. It brings tears to my eyes every time. It sounds like your mother loved Hawaii as much as he did. You have such wonderful memories of your mother and she left you with a wonderful legacy. Blessings to you and your family.

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    1. thank you Charisse, she loved Hawaii so very much. I just watched the youtube video. In the end they show his ashes being spread in the ocean as my mother's will be. It was very moving and lovely. Thank you for mentioning it. I too love that version. xxo

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  52. Joan,

    Deepest condolences...my mother passed when I was an adolescent, almost 47 years ago, and she too inspired my love of homes. Our memories keep those that have passed on alive and integrated into the next generation...

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    1. Donna, I am so sorry that you lost your mother as a child. That much have been very difficult then and throughout your life. Love and light, xxo

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  53. What a loveyl tribute to your mother and what she taught you. I just reread your links that you posted. I love that lamp. She lives on through you.
    Love to you all.

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  54. What a lovely tribute to a beautiful lady. I am so sorry for your loss.

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  55. Your post is such a lovely tribute to your beautiful mother. Peace and blessings Joan.

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  56. Your tribute to your mom is wonderful-she lives on in everything you do. Deepest sympathy.

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  57. Such a sweet tribute to your mother, I love the memory of lighting a new candle, I remember be taught that by my mother and later in life my mother-in-law commented to my husband that she was shocked I know to do that. Thinking of you during this time of lost.

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    1. thank you Mary. The wick lighting must be a generational thing;) xxo

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  58. Oh Joan, what a lovely tribute. I am so sorry your mother has passed, but what a legacy she left in you and I'm sure, in your sisters as well. She sounds a lot like my mother, who passed away 17 years ago. She was a Kentucky-born Southern belle, but gave birth to me at Tripler Army Hospital in Honolulu when my father was stationed at Hickam Field in the Air Force. She adored Hawaii and wanted her ashes scattered there too. She also was a natural "nester" who wallpapered and refinished furniture in order to have the home she wanted for our family. I attribute my love of design and "puttering" around the house to her. She was also crazy about her dogs - a trait I have inherited in spades! Blessings to you and all your family during this time.

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    1. Cynthia, you mother sounds lovely and what sweet gifts she gave you. Aloha. xxo

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  59. How very beautiful and how fortunate you were to have her in your life for many years. xo

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  60. Our mothers have a profound influence on their daughters whether for good or bad. We are blessed to have had a mother who not only loved us unconditionally but left us with a wealth of amazing memories! I enjoyed reading about your mother & the lessons she taught you! The one about placing tissues in drawers was a new one to me. That generation was truly the Greatest Generation! My mother was very clean with everything in it's proper place. She had a snack prepared when I came home from school, a wonderful full course meal every evening at 6:00 sharp, clothes washed and ironed even the sheets and underwear!. She never missed an event or program I was in, a PTA meeting, and sewed countless costumes throughout my school years! As an adult, she was there at the North of my three children, stayed to help and nurse not only the baby but me as well, and prepared enough freezer meals for a month! I could always count on my sweet Mama to have my back, tell me when I was wrong yet still openly back me to everyone else!
    Thank you for sharing your mother with those of us who enjoy following you. It brought back good memories of my own mother which is always a good thing! May God bless you as you grieve your mother's passing. May you enjoy the wonderful legacy of love for your home that your mother left behind!

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    1. Your mother sounds so lovely Jane. My mother did the same when my sister's had their children! xxo

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  61. Your mother sounds like she was Martha Stuart before Martha Stuart! I had a couple of women in my early life who to this day inspire me -- we all need mentors like your mother to encourage us to strive for the best we can be.

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  62. I'm so sorry Joan. I lost my mother many years ago but sounds like my mother taught me the same lessons as your mother taught you. Nothing on counters was a big one!

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  63. I am so sorry to hear of your Mom's passing. She sounds like a lovely woman and you obviously learned so much from her. I loved reading about there love of houses and decor too. Thinking of you and the pain that you will feel missing her.

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    1. I love all the things you are teaching Kate about the love of home. xxo

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  64. A beautiful remembrance for a lovely lady. My condolences on your loss.

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  65. My sorry to hear of your mom's passing. But, oh my, what a legacy she left! You were blessed to have a mom like her; she sounds like a gem. XOXO

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  66. What a beautiful woman your mother was, both externally and internally. You were so lucky to be raised by a woman of elegance and style who obviously believed in patiently working towards getting quality items and building a home of personality and beauty. How lovely that she stayed so well all of her long life and that her daughter and grandson were able to be there with you all in time. Thinking of you at this sad time.

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  67. Condolences for your loss, Joan. It sounds like your mother was an amazing person who lived a great life! I really like this part you said: didn't have to have money to have a pretty house. So true!

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    1. thank you Miranda. I think that is why even to this day I always want a good deal on things I buy for the house:) xxo

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  68. You & your family have my sincere sympathy!
    Thank you so much, Joan, for sharing your memories of your mother! What a beautiful, wonderful, fun mother and woman she was! And, what an endearing story of playing the tape of her late second husband singing to her as she passed from this reality to the next! What a
    beautiful, sweet gift that was to her.
    Many blessings to you and your family !

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    1. It was a gift to her indeed and an accidental last moment find. xxo

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  69. What a wonderful tribute! She sounds like a fascinating woman. I loved the article about her experience from the War. My sincere condolences.

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  70. I am so sorry for your loss. But what a wonderful tribute you wrote to her!! Today (8.3) would have been my Mom's 99th BD, and I found 2 beautiful feathers on my morning walk. Finding feathers is supposed to mean your guardian angel is watching over you. I like to think it was a visit from my Mom!! You will have moments like this as well!!
    P.S. I loved your comment that you were taught to always, always WRITE thank you notes!! Same with My Mom!!!

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    1. Jo Ann, love that you found two feathers on your mother's birth day. So sweet. xxo

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  71. Such a beautifully written note to your mother, she sounds like the perfect shining example of gracious living. Love the pic too!
    Pat

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  72. Oh Joan, what a lovely tribute to your mother. I will think of her now, every time you share the beautiful home you have lovingly created. Please know how very much I care. With deepest sympathy, Peg Allegretto

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  73. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother, I know you are so grateful and blessed to have so many warm and beautiful memories of her. Thank you for sharing your mom with us is this tribute and via this blog over the years.

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  74. What a beautiful tribute to your mom. She is a very special lady and you learned some great things from her that will carry on. Hugs to you Joan.

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  75. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It's interesting because I just lost my grandmother a few weeks ago who was almost 92 and I was up in MD waiting to visit her because she went to the hospital thinking she had a pulled muscle but it was really an aneurysm. She was still in pretty good health for her age. Sorry for your loss.

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  76. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful mother. My mother died exactly 2 months ago today after years of suffering. She was a lot like your mother, she also had good taste. I have silently followed you for a while 'cause we have about the same taste in home decor and gardening.

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    1. I am so sorry Deb, and so very sorry that she had years of suffering. That must have been so difficult for you. Hope you are taking good care of yourself now. xxo

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  77. What a lovely tribute to your mother, and what an inspiration she was. Thank you for sharing her story and yours. I am sorry for your loss and will pray that sweet memories of her will help ease your pain.

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  78. In life our mothers are often our prime influence. Yours did a wonderful job. A life well lived is the best memorial.
    Cherish the memories,

    Rebecca

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  79. I'm just so incredibly sorry for your loss; hearing you recount how your mother "grew you" (my little girl's phrase) makes my heart expand and hurt at the same time. I lost my beloved momma, whom I called "Z" (long story) just shy of two years ago. She was younger than your mom -- a spry 77 when cancer came to call -- but your description of how she raised you -- and how you grew into yourself and your sense of design and style and *self* because of it -- took my breath away: our mothers could have been related. A child of the 80s, all my friends grew up eating off of plastic plates using paper napkins; but not in my house -- we ate with linen napkins, using my grandmother's silver & by candlelight every. single. night. My childhood was spent at a mix of farm auctions with wellies on wading through the muck, high-end antique shows with all the bells and whistles and getting to know all the gossip from early Americana dealers at every level. In college, when everyone else had tapestries on their dorm room walls, I had framed art & vintage kantha quilts hanging because she'd explained that finding something I loved and collecting it could be a lifelong adventure. She taught me to recognize beauty, embrace tradition, try new things, experiment -- and to always make my spaces grow along with me.

    It is hard beyond measure to say goodbye to the one that is so instrumental in helping one realize how to create themselves (on every possible level) and I don't write this to take away from your loss of your momma but rather to say that I hear everything your wrote like an echo of my own experience. We were lucky; we *are* lucky ...

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    1. What a beautiful, beautiful note Meg. I am so sorry your mother died so young. I loved your memories as they reminded me that my mother also lit candles for dinner often. Always in her beloved blue danube candlesticks, so thank you... I had forgotten that. What beautiful gifts she gave you, and I am sorry for your loss too. I bet you have a beautiful home. xxo

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  80. I am right there with you having lost my Mom in May. Nothing is going to fill that abyss in your soul where she lived, but you may find a project that helps express your love for her. Mine was to create wildflower habitat in the park that was once our home place www.aquahabitat.com/Mom tells the story.

    I did smile at your vacuum story. My Mom knew it was a good idea to give me one while I was still in college. Of course being male, I was livid.... until that day I realized being practical has some importance ;)

    Hoping you can find time to smile through the tears. It's what I do. Hugs, Bradden

    PS I submitted this a few minutes ago, but the system had a glitch. Sorry if it double posts!

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    1. I am so sorry for your loss Bradden. Your memorial wildflower garden looks like it is going to be amazing- what a lovely tribute to your mother. So glad to see you have approval of West Linn. If we still lived there I would come to help:) Our first house was in Eastmoreland! Love the PNW. Dan is from Oregon, and in fact he is there right now visiting his mother (for her 88th birthday) in Coos Bay. Tomorrow he is going to the headwaters of the Metolius. One of his favorite places. You've been yes? Amazing. We often talk (when we win the lottery;) that we want to make a pond on some of our land- wish you lived closer;) xxo

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  81. Dan and my paths may cross. I am heading to a secret campsite on the Metolius this week on my way to help a retirement home in Bend create a gorgeous natural place for their residents to enjoy. That brings me personal joy especially after losing Mom!

    Funny you mention the expense of creating waters. I just wrote a post to help people enjoy the waters I create by encouraging their towns to create much more natural places in their parks. I hope it grows to a trend. I know how much I gain from being around gorgeous natural places. That may also offer you some solace. *Shameless plug of sorts to follow* https://pondslakesstreamsbybiologists.blogspot.com/2019/08/you-deserve-bit-of-vacation-every-day.html

    Some day when you are planning on going through the portland airport, stop by Robinwood Park in West Linn to see the garden which has yet to be built. If it calms you and brings a smile, that is my reward for creating the place. Tell Dan to hug his Mom extra tight. We don't get nearly as many of those as we wish when we consider our Moms in hindsight.

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    1. We are blessed to be surrounded by lakes, rivers, streams and an amazing waterfall just a 20 walk from the house, we just want a pond on our property!!!:) A secret campsite on the Metolius sounds amazing. Dan grew up fishing on the Metolius and going to Camp Sherman with a favorite uncle. It is his heart-place!

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    2. Your neighborhood sounds wonderful. I do love that people still wish to have their own personal waters even when surrounded by them. I hope to get to the Metolius by Wednesday evening. It's not a big area. You never know who you might meet at Allingham Bridge or at the store.

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  82. I am so sorry for your loss. May your beautiful mother rest in peace. What a beautiful and moving tribute! My mother has excellent taste and she influenced my choice of Blue Danube as my "everyday" china before my wedding 33 years ago, and I've never regretted it. And yes, we've used it almost every day, multiple times a day. Several of my best friends, it turns out, also have it. My husband and I both are dealing with our mothers' declining health and sometimes it is overwhelming and difficult to stay positive. Your blog posts are always a bright spot in my inbox. Thank you!

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  83. So sorry for the loss of your mother. Mine has been gone five years now and I will always miss her.

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  84. what a wonderful memory you gave us about your sweet Mother

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  85. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. My mother died last August 5th one year ago. I love your blog and thank you for sharing your memories. We live in North Carolina and my mom and I always enjoyed copying ideas from Southern Living Magazine to pretty up our little modest house. Aren't we fortunate to have been so blessed?

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  86. I'm so very sorry to read of the passing of your mother. What a beautiful lady she was, I can see her vivacious personality for life in her face.
    I admit to smiling when I read the vacuum cleaner story, as this resonates so close to home for me. My own mum, passed four years ago, and her obsession in life were her vacuum cleaners...
    Four or more at one time, because she could never pass up buying a bargain at a car boot sale, just in case she needed spare parts :)
    Mum vacuumed every single day, sometimes twice a day, she was extremely house-proud and taught me at an early age that making a house a home, was extremely important in the health and happiness of a family.
    I passed this along to my own daughter, and our love of "home" has been a lifelong enjoyment. When my daughter was very young, each Sunday we would visit the antique malls around the area, she would complain non-stop, but as soon as she became her own home-maker her home was filled with antiques and well-worn pieces. Unknowingly we had planted a seed.
    Your memorial garden sounds amazing, a fitting tribute for a beautiful lady.
    Hugs,
    ~Jo

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  87. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom.

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  88. What beautiful thoughts of your beautiful Mother, gone to soon for sure.
    I am at the age where I know life is way to short when we finally grow up and mature

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  89. I am so sorry for your loss. Your lovely remembrance makes me think about my mom who also had a great aesthetic radar. She died when I was 14. My two adult daughters and I all love good design and the homes we've lived in which we certainly inherited from her.

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  90. Joan, I am embarrassed to say I am now reading this blog post many months later. What a wonderful tribute to an obviously incredible woman, your mother. I loved your story about the seashells. It reminded me of when I lost my first husband in my early 30s to a brain tumor. He was an officer in the Coast Guard and I always said sea water ran through his veins. He LOVED the ocean and he also loved sand dollars. When I was missing him most, I would find sand dollars in the most unusual places. I knew they were gifts from him to let me know he was fine and finally free of his illness. My late husband will always be with me in my heart. It is now nearly 30 years later and my love for him has never wavered but has shaped me into the person I am today. Sending blessings to you.

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Welcome! Thank you for leaving a comment; you have no idea how much your comments inspire me to keep writing- I appreciate each and every one. Comments are moderated by me prior to publishing on the blog, so if you don't see your comment post immediately it will be posted as soon as I receive and read it. joan