broken...

It is with broken hearts that I tell you that today we had to put our sweet, beautiful girl Amelia down.  If you had told me yesterday morning as we were having a cup of tea in the living room with the fireplace going and Amelia's head on my lap (Ella chose to be upstairs on the mama's bed) that I would be penning this post today I would not have believed it ... not in a million years.  

Just after sitting in the living room Amelia and I came upstairs and joined Ella while I checked emails. Several minutes later I heard Amelia re-position herself and moan.  She did it a second time.  I had not heard her moan like that since the day she came home from the vet a month and a half ago after having her teeth cleaned and several bad teeth pulled.  I knew she was in some kind of pain.  I went downstairs for a moment and when I came back up she had jumped to the floor.  I loved on her and tried to get her to walk to the rug that was bathed in sunlight, thinking it would feel good to her.  She walked towards me and stumbled.  I rushed to her and sat with her as I called Dan telling him to bring the car that we had to take her to the vet.  

We left her at the vet for them to run tests and x-rays.  All tests were normal.  Our vet had us take her to an Emergency Clinic for overnight monitoring.  Upon arrival there they did further x-rays and found that she had fluid around her heart.  Her sweet little heart.  We were told there were one of three outcomes, and would know more today from a Cardiac specialist who would do ultrasound on her.  We cried and prayed for her all night, but sadly early this morning we learned that it was the worst case scenario.... she had a large, aggressive, bleeding tumor on her heart.

 She was diagnosed with Pericardial Effusion caused by a massive bleeding tumor on her heart.  Fatal.  We would have moved the sun and moon for her if there was anything.... anything we could have done, but we were informed that due to the size of the tumor even if they had removed the fluid around her heart that it would reoccur- within minutes or days- but more likely minutes/hours, and even then she would probably never make it out of the hospital due to complications of the procedure.  We didn't want her to suffer for one single second.  She was uncomfortable and was quietly moaning this morning, but she wasn't in pain they said.

We drove to the hospital so that we could all be with her.  Ella came in to see her before she passed and then again after.  We stayed with her and petted and loved her for hours telling her how beautiful she was, how wonderful she was, how much we loved her and how grateful we were to have her in our lives.  We told her she was good, and precious, and adored, and loved over and over.  We told her how much joy she had brought to our lives, and how she will always live in our hearts.  She was used to hearing these words of love as we had said them to her each and every day of her life with us.

She passed quietly in her soft car bed (she loved riding in the car with a passion)  that she loved so very much with Dan and me petting her, kissing her and telling her how much we loved her.  

My first words to Amelia when she arrived on the transport a mere 2 months, 1 week and 3 days ago were "Amelia, I'm your mama."  As I held her sweet, precious little face in my hands for the very last time today I told her  "Amelia, I'm your mama."

Our hearts are broken.  2 months, 1 week and 3 days was NOT enough.  

I didn't think I would be able to write these words to you earlier today, but once home I realized that I had to, I needed to.  You were all so dear and sweet and welcoming upon her arrival and I wanted.... needed, you to know.

sweet Amelia would always sit on the sofa with her paws crossed; such a kind and gentle soul

so many people who met them thought Amelia & Ella were from the same liter

Prior to late yesterday morning Amelia had been perfect- a perfect six year old girl in perfect health.  She was the best girl and so wanted to please and learn, and she was learning.  She came to us not knowing her name, how to walk up stairs, how to play with toys, chew a bone, go for a walk,  the joy of going for a car ride.  She had learned how to do all of the above and even to walk off the leash running through in the woods.  Always a good girl, and coming back when called.  She ran like the wind and I can not put into words the joy on her face as she ran in our meadows and through the forest.  And then there was the overwhelming joy that the sight brought to both Dan and me.  It made us so happy that she was getting to live this amazing, wonderful dog life.  We are so sad for her, and us, that it was cut so short.  What a gift her short time with us was.  What will get us through is knowing that she couldn't have had a better last 2 months, 1 week, and 3 days of her sweet.sweet life.  And in the end, even though our hearts are broken, and even if we could have known, we would have still adopted her and loved her with all our hearts for 2 months, l week and 3 days all over again.  I would always tell Amelia and Ella that they belong to us and we belong to them! 

We are so very grateful to have belonged to her, 

It brings more tears to look out and see her sweet footprints in the snow. While they will melt and fade away her footprints will forever remain on our hearts.  

We are all so sad.

It would mean so much to us if you would say a prayer for our sweet Amelia.  She was, and is, a puppy-angel.

Thank you for understanding.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
post script

Dan and I are absolutely overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support and prayers you have given to us and to Ella.  We have read each comment on the blog, each email, and each comment on Instagram aloud to one another and we have cried and sobbed.  We have felt so loved and held in this time of shock and grief over losing sweet Amelia so suddenly and too soon.    Your words have soothed our broken hearts, your tears have made us feel understood in our grief, and we have felt the love of your comforting hugs.

Knowing that so many of you are saying a prayer for Amelia has brought us the most special gift.  It is as if  all your many prayers are carrying her on wings of love and she is being ushered into heaven by you.  I can never thank you enough for making us feel this and making Amelia so loved in this moment.  She was our gift, and you are our gift also.  I cherish each and every one of you.  While we might not know each other personally I feel we know one another's soul- the soul that loves house and home and dogs (pets.)

To all of you who have mentioned your lost beloved pets- our sympathies to you. We are so grateful that you told us about your loves.

Tonight when I light our candles we will do it as a family and say "Thank you" for each and every one of you- you have given us the gift of love and prayer and understanding and we are so very, very grateful.

Through tears we Thank you.  

with much love,

Joan and Dan and Ella

and then there were two!

                                                         

Please say hello to our new girl, and Ella's new sister...

Amelia!  

Full name, Amelia Mae :)

Amelia is a 6-year-old rescue from Texas!
As with most everything in the house, there is a story about how she came to be ours...

It all started several months ago when I found myself on petfinder.com.  I don't often look there as I find the site to be a bit frustrating to navigate, but on this night I typed in my location, the breed (mix), age, gender,etc. that I was interested in and several pages later I came across this photo of "Amelia."

 There was just something about her sweet face that stopped me in my tracks and had me coming back to her page for days to look at her.  On petfinder.com it said that she was located in Connecticut.  That sounded optimum as we've never adopted a dog without meeting them first and since we would be bringing a new dog into Ella's life it was very important to us that Ella meet and be happy with the situation and the dog.  Ella is now 10 years old, and is very social and loves other dogs, but I wanted it to be a good match for her too.  We've been looking off and on for four years, or so, at local shelters for a sister for Ella, but have never found "the one."

After finding Amelia on-line I waited a good week before showing her to Dan.  I knew he would say "lets go get her!," and I wanted to think about and be sure this was something we should do.  On one hand we have perfect Ella (anyone who knows her will tell you how perfect she is; it's not just me saying it ;) and why would we want to rock the boat with an unknown situation?  But on the other hand we have both wanted to have another dog, and two at one time (which we have never had before) and Ella has such a wonderful life that we felt a pull to give that life to another shelter/rescue dog needing a home.

When I finally showed Dan the photo of Amelia, he did indeed say "lets go get her!" and he also said...  "I think Amelia was my grandmother's middle name."  Really??  After he went to bed  I looked it up and sure enough his grandmother's middle name was Amelia.  While, that might be a sweet coincidence, what I haven't told you is that his grandmother's first name was Ella!    (Ella, the dog, or Ellazene, which is her full name, was named after a great aunt of mine, but "Ella" also happened to be Dan's maternal grandmother's name.)  That we might have Ella and Amelia gave me chills.

I took this as a sign.

The next night I'm thinking I really needed another sign that this is the right thing to do.  Ever since we moved to New Hampshire and started looking for a sister for Ella I have always joked with Dan that I would probably have to go back to Texas to get our next dog.  Our first dog, Kelsey, was from Texas, Ella is from Texas and, I'm from Texas!!  So one night I'm looking at Amelia's profile on petfinder.com and I click on the link to the rescue organization where she comes from and I read her bio on their site.  And, I'll be damned.....
Amelia is from Texas !!
This one made me cry... laugh and cry.

Sign number two. 

I then start thinking I'm making too much of all these signs and maybe they are just coincidences. The next day we take a drive to the White Mountains in New Hampshire to see the fall foliage.  Along the drive up I'm wishing that the universe would give me another sign if this was meant to be.  We stop several times that day at parks in different parts of the state to let Ella out.  We encountered three dogs at the parks and they were all miniature collies (which are correctly known as Shetland Sheepdogs, or Shelties, but to me have always been miniature collies;)   We get into the car after the last park and I say to Dan "Don't you think it's strange that the only dogs we've seen and come in contact with all day have been collies?!"  I then put my head in my hands and start to cry.  Dan is concerned and asks me what's wrong-  I tell him that on Amelia's bio they were guessing that she might be part lab and part ...
collie!
We then start to laugh!

Sign number three.

That night I sat out on the terrace and looked up at the star-filled sky and ask for another sign.  I immediately saw two shooting stars, one right after the other.  While I've seen shooting stars before they don't generally fly out of the sky when I look up asking for a sign and I've never seen two in a row like that.  I decided that, too, was a sign from the universe;)
Sign number four.

Several more days go by with me asking, yet again, for another sign.  (I'm a bit pragmatic and can be skeptical and very literal at times; and I ask a lot of questions in life;)

At this point I have yet to even send off an inquiring email about Amelia- still just trying to figure out if we should go down this road.  So, I drive down our hill to a local garden shop to pick up a large mum for the front door.  I'm driving along and pass a shop that has a marquee sign board and I see this...

Apparently the universe was sick and tired of me asking for more signs and decided that if the woman wants a sign, well, we'll give her a damn sign!!!!

Sign number five..... literally a sign! :)

Thee next day I sent off an inquiry email about Amelia!  I mean, one can only dismiss the signs from the universe for so long without the universe bopping you on your head ;)  Turns out she wasn't in Connecticut after all, but was still at the rescue in Texas.  She has had a difficult life.  

When she was brought to the Brazoria County Shelter two years ago in south Texas she had a huge swollen growth under her chest.  She was skin and bones as you can see in the photo below (her eyes are so sad in this photo it breaks my heart.)  You could not only see her ribs, but her hip bones as well.  A very kind Animal Control Officer (A.C.O.) named Tammy was trying to coax Amelia (then unnamed) to eat by offering her own sandwiches to the dog.  The rescue organization that took her in was coming to the shelter to pick up another dog to take in and the A.C.O. asked if they would take a look at Amelia.  The rescue was worried that the growth was cancerous, but it turned out to be a large abscess that they were able to treat with medication. She was so sick when they first saw her that she probably would not have made it through one more day if the A.C.O. had not advocated for her and if the rescue organization had not agreed to take her.  Bless them all.

I then filled out an adoption form and made contact with their wonderful National Adoption Coordinator, Melody, who is a volunteer for the rescue group.  I asked many, many.... many questions about Amelia to which Melody would find the answers and email/text/call me with a reply.
The rescue organization Smiling Dog Farms that took Amelia in started small- two partners, Ricky and Jay, rescuing a dog here and there. They were (as Dan and I are also) drawn to the dogs that were the least likely to be adopted. Various rescue groups then started sending them their "unadoptable" dogs because they knew that Smiling Dog Farms was an absolute no-kill shelter and that the dogs would be able to live out their lives in safety and peace.  As they evolved into a sanctuary to house dogs that had no other place to go they also came in contact with other dogs that turned out to be adoptable, like Amelia, and would take those dogs in also.  They have approximately 300 animals at the farm, and Amelia was one of the lucky 14 or so pets that got to live at their house.  I was told that she spent most of her day in a crate and had turn-out time during the day with other dogs at the house. When Dan and I heard this our hearts cracked and we knew she was to be ours.  She was 6 years old (older dogs are more difficult to adopt out)  and was a black dog (as I've mentioned on the blog previously, black dogs statistically are the last dogs to get adopted from shelters.  This phenomenon even has a name- black dog syndrome.)  She had been at Smiling Dog Farms for two years and I felt at this point in her life, if we didn't adopt her, she would never find a home.  That, and we had fallen in love with her from her photographs, videos and everything we were learning about her.

Throughout the process it became clear that Amelia (who had been named by one of the Smiling Dog Farms founders when the name just came to him- yes, I asked :) was a sweet and gentle girl and had a lot of similarities to Ella. I added the "Mae" to Amelia in honor of my late Aunt Mae who would tell me stories about the dogs in her life and was very dear to me.  Ella is a spunky 10 year old (I can't tell you how often I hear "I would never have guessed she was 10!") but I knew we didn't want a puppy.  I was looking for an older dog (over a year, at least and preferably even older); we have always adopted the older dog- both Ella and our first dog were a year old when we adopted them.  I've been extremely inspired by Claudia of My Little Bungalow blog who I have watched adopt a 10-year-old dog, so I was open to adopting one much older! (Thank you Claudia!)

I was a bit concerned that we wouldn't be meeting Amelia first, but I was trusting all the signs I had received and the process in general.  Melody and the rescue organization were 100% forthcoming with every single little thing about Amelia- her temperament, her health, her overall condition.  

   The rescue organization sent a local volunteer from Massachusetts (it takes a huge village to save just one dog) to our house for an in-house visit.  We passed;)!!

A week and a half later Amelia arrived on the pet transport P.E.T.S. which makes weekly trips through the south to the north to unite shelter/rescue dogs with their forever people.  We were one of five families making pickups that day at their stop in southern Vermont. We were the second to last in line and the first dog came off the 18-wheeler and it was met with "awww" from the people waiting.  Then the second and third dogs came off, both puppies, and more "awww's" ensued.  Then sweet Amelia walked down the plank and the tone of the "awww" went down an octave from a cute, happy "awww" to a feeling-sorry-for "awww."  Poor sweet Amelia, (her tail tucked under, her head down) looked scared and pitiful.  She had demodectic mange on her butt (which I was told about early on.)  It is the non-contagious form of mange on dogs that will clear itself up once a dog's immune system is healthy.  We felt strongly that a little TLC, good food, exercise and lots of kisses would clear it up in no time.   I walked up to her, held her head in my hands and said,
"Amelia, I'm your mama."

That was 3 weeks, and 4 days ago.
To watch her transformation has been overwhelming.  She is a love bug!  She has landed in a whole new world at the age of 6 where she has to learn so many new things:  new environment, a new language, a new set of rules .  Day three after she arrived it snowed.  She loved it!  This photo is her very first taste of a New Hampshire winter!

And she loves walking through the snowy woods- so many new smells.

Amelia and Ella are really starting to bond.  Every day brings another baby-step of bonding.  It has been a joy to watch.  Several people have commented that they look like twins, or like they could be from the same litter!  They are almost the same size except Amelia is about an inch taller and 2-1/2 inches longer!  She adores Ella!
She came to us not knowing her name, not knowing any commands and having never (to our knowledge and due to how baby-butt soft her feet were) been on a walk. She didn't know how to play with dog toys.  She had never seen a stair before and was very fearful of them.  For the first three days we carried her up and down the stairs to the master bedroom (much to our back's and our chiropractor's chagrin ;)
She is now, in only three weeks short time, responding to her name, knows "sit" and is one the verge of getting "stay", "come", and "stop!" She has learned to walk well on a leash (matching red plaid collars were a gift from a friend- thank you Sara!),...

... and up and down the stairs like a pro.
She has learned to chew bones, ...

... and  "puppy pops"- a.k.a. ice cubes which Ella eats after dinner!
The first time she saw Ella eating them Amelia thought Ella was crazy.  I then broke some up and offered them to her and after several days of this she started munching on them too!

 She is learning to not be afraid of the vacuum, or the loud pops that come from the pitch on the logs in the barn room fireplace, and has learned to love the bear "rugs," as we call them (faux bear throws;) in the barn room!
Amelia is under the faux bear rug on the left and Ella is on the right!

sweet Amelia!

 In only two weeks time, the mange on her back has completely gone away as has the mange on her tail!  The mange on her back legs and the one ear is well on it's way to growing back also.  We started her on Omega 3 fish oil two days after her arrival and I think that has made a huge difference- that, and the daily walks, good organic food, and lots of love and attention!  She has been amazing and we all love her so much.   Ella always wags her tail around her and they are just starting to "jaw" in the house when playing with each other!  .

 We can't imagine her not being a part of our family and have loved watching the little bud that she is unfold into a beautiful flower!

I will do another post on some of the challenges we have easily overcome in hopes of encouraging ALL of you to consider adopting instead of shopping and to especially consider an older dog (a year or older!)  I also want to introduce you to the rescue organization that took Amelia in and saved her life.   But for now I will leave you with this photo of our sweet new girl Amelia!
Just look at that face, and the white tips on her paws and the tip of her tail!!
That's a lot of love!

Please, please, please ... adopt, don't shop.





"When you adopt a shelter pet, you save 2 lives.
The one you adopt, and the one that takes its place."

Even if you're looking for a purebred, you can find purebreds at local shelters and there are many rescue organizations across the country which specialize in specific breeds.
Please adopt!
I promise... you will not be sorry.
xxojoan